She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
