you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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