It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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