you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
