I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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