didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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