Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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