thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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