Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
where does the pee come out of this thing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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