I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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