I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
