somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
