Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize