im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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