Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
