What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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