we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
