i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize