I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
