I didn't shave. On purpose
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
