i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
