I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize