when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
