That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
