During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
this is an emotional support booty call
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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