so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize