Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
