I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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