Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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