Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
