I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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