My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
