Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
