who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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