it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
