she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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