I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
