She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
