I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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