I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize