Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
