How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
