I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
