If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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