Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
