It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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