FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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