Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize