Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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