Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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