I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize