Girls should come with a carfax report
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
