he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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