Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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