She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
