I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
