its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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