The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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