Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
