So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize