No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize