he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
