I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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