You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
