Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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