Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
