woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You made out with two different species that night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
