i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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